Part Four: The Day After and Beyond
Dating & Relationships

Part Four: The Day After and Beyond

You’ve been on your first date and everything up until now has been rainbows and sunshine.

Snap out of it, because it won’t last forever. In this article, we bring you everything you need to know about what to do after you’ve been on your first date.

The beauty of the second date is that real personalities can begin to emerge.

A second date is

  • A continued search for compatibility
  • The next step
  • A time to flirt and have fun
  • A total shift of focus onto your date

 

A second date isn’t

  • A relationship
  • Obsessing/boasting about yourself
  • A pre-spouse interview
  • A confession-session

 

Like vs Lust vs Love

You can’t fall in love in just a few minutes. You have to be patient and let it bloom. True love is a slow-burn – no two ways about it.

 

Like

When you like someone, you’re just in the checklist mode. You’re keeping a mental scoreboard – plus one for showing up on time, minus one for taking a call on the other’s cell phone, plus one for laughing at your dumb joke, minus one for biting fingernails…

“Like” is an overvaluation of compatibility – quite literally – seeing if you two are enough alike to get along.

 

Lust

It’s more physical than mental. Lust is all about tingling fingertips, pounding hearts, sweaty palms, and breathless kisses. It is wanting to make out with someone – all night long. It’s a sexual faucet and sooner or later is bound to turn off as quickly as it turns on – pure energy.

 

LWD or Lust With Direction

After the second and the twenty-second date, the LWD phase is oh-so-sexy. You have lost your head over this human but not your mind. You desire to whisk them off to bed and rain kisses, but you don’t mind reading the morning paper, too.

 

Love

Love is all about respect and time – time required to fully trust someone. Love isn’t a mad dash but a slow stroll. It’s shared goals and interests, fun, warmth, acceptance, compatibility. It’s genuinely caring for someone, not in spite of their flaws but because of them.

 

Ten Ways to Know You’re in Love

Date

  1. You look forward to meeting their parents and family.
  2. You’re willing to explain why they are ‘the one.’
  3. It’s easier for you to breathe when your partner is around.
  4. You’re ready to ditch your little black book for them.
  5. It feels as though every romantic song was written for the two of you.
  6. There’s a bounce in your step and a smile on your face.
  7. You’re willing to do things you hate just for the sake of your partner.
  8. You’re willing to save if you are a spendthrift and spend a little extra if you are chintzy.
  9. The idea of doing nothing together sounds terrific.
  10. You’re willing to risk being yourself.

 

Yep, looks like love to us!

 

Casual vs Serious vs Exclusive dating

It’s crucial to understand the difference before you jump into something you might regret later.

Casual Dating

Casual dating means neither of you is taking the relationship seriously. Casual dating allows both the partners to know each other without the pressure of exclusivity, and it allows for comparisons that are natural and not necessarily odious. One or both of you is/are:

1. Dating others

Sure, you like each other but are also seeing other people.

 

2. Living far away from each other

You can only see the other occasionally.

 

3. Only in town temporarily

You know that the relationship will last only as long as the business trip or the vacation.

 

4. Not interested in a commitment

You want the relationship to be without long-term expectations.

 

5. Not being sexual

You’re abstaining.

 

6. Not being seriously sexual

You don’t prefer being monogamous.

 

Serious Dating

Serious dating is the transition between casual dating and exclusive dating as:

  • You live in the same city
  • You see each other more often (like once or twice a week)
  • Both prefer being monogamous
  • You are possibly sexual

 

The idea is to see who’s out there and to keep dosey-doing and switching off until you find someone who seems to a cut above the rest, someone who is worth abandoning all others for – at least temporarily – you’ve moved to exclusivity, which is a precursor to exclusive dating.

 

Exclusive Dating

It has these characteristics:

1. Mutual exclusivity by design

You discuss and consciously agree to see only one another.

 

2. Having three or more dates a week

You often take time and effort to be together.

 

3. Weekend dating

You spend weekends together rather than going out with your respective gangs and when you do go, you go as a couple.

 

4. Living in the same area code

Living relatively close to one another makes it possible to see each other.

 

5. Imply sex and sexual exclusivity

 

6. Sexual intimacy

Although not necessarily a committed relationship, it is often one of its hallmarks. Whereas some think the key is the “sex” part, the real key is the “intimacy” part. You’re mistaken if you think you can achieve intimacy solely through sex.

 

7. You can imagine a future with them.

 

When to Say ‘I Love You’

When to Say ‘I Love You’

Few things are memorable than magical, fingers-crossed, breath-held, passion-filled and really special. One such moment is when your partner says, “I love you” for the very first time.

It means so much more than just three little words. However, it’s also a silent question. As in, ‘do you love me, too?’ properly managing this moment can spell the difference between euphoria and humiliation.

 

Tips

  • Wait for at least three months (or preferably longer) before confessing your true feelings for your partner even though you feel it on the very first day.

 

  • It takes a while to gain and build trust. Zooming ahead too fast can easily backfire, and it’s really embarrassing to find out you changed your mind and after all, you didn’t really love them.

 

  • If your date says, “I love you” and you don’t love your date back, don’t say “Love you, too” just to be polite. You’ll open a can of worms that’ll only make a gigantic mess.

 

  • If you’ve been together for a while and you’re just waiting for your date to spill the beans first, take a chance and tell them how you feel because your date may be waiting for you to take the plunge.

 

  • Understand that ‘I Love You’ has a different meaning for different people. For some, the word “love” is followed by the word “marriage,” while for others, “love” is followed by “ya.” make sure you’re clear on how you feel before butting your feelings into words and give a thought to the way your date might receive what you’re about to say.

 

  • Understand that true love implies commitment. If you’re not ready to be monogamous, connected, open, and loving, maybe it’s not a wise idea to say it then.

 

  • If the only time you’re tempted to confess love is during sex or when you’re apart, close your mouth and open your eyes, and see what’s really going on.

 

Ending a Relationship

Ending a Relationship

The warning signs:

  1. You frequently fight over nothing
  2. You’re not as affectionate
  3. More time passes between dates
  4. You no longer understand what you first saw in your partner
  5. You have started feeling that your friends and family were right all along and this was a bad decision
  6. There’s no intimacy and sex between the two of you
  7. You mentally compare your partner with others and not in a positive way
  8. You find excuses to be alone
  9. Mentally or physically you are attracted towards other people
  10. You have no long-term plans
  11. You like taking separate vacations
  12. There are uncomfortable and prolonged silences
  13. You no longer enjoy their company as much as you used to
  14. You’re rarely there when your partner needs you
  15. Buying a car, pet, house without consulting your partner seems completely fine to you
  16. You secretly wish to end it.

If you or your partner really feel like this, then hop over to the last and final part of the art of dating – chapter five: catch phrases.

Shristi Patni

Shristi is the Chief Content Officer at Raletta. She enjoys writing about food, fitness, finance and everything in between.

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