Whether you have been in a number of long term relationships or you are a serial singleton, you are sure to know that chemistry plays a key role in the success of a romantic relationship. It’s mentioned in every romantic comedy, every book about love and in a whole host of songs. Chemistry is a word that is often used to describe how two people feel about one another. It goes beyond just being in love or enjoying being together, it’s a word that describes a much deeper and more organic connection. It’s a great thing to have in a romantic relationship and it can mean the difference between a good relationship, and one that’s lacking a vital spark.
So, What is Romantic Chemistry?
If you ask the majority of people, they will agree that there are three main types of chemistry. Sexual chemistry is the feeling of intense attraction or desire towards someone, it’s passionate and intimate. Emotional chemistry is the feeling of closeness and understanding with someone, on a level that goes beyond what you experience with most people. Intellectual chemistry is the feeling of having common interests with someone and a similar understanding of the world around you. It’s the combination of all three of these that create romantic chemistry.
Chemistry is more than just an initial spark or an immediate attraction to another person, it’s a deeper connection of understanding. It’s a compatibility that lasts and feels as though it’s there on multiple levels. It is one thing to be attracted to someone physically, but it’s another thing to feel as though you ‘click’ in multiple different ways. It’s one thing to want to spend time together, it’s another thing to feel excited and energised when you are together. Though chemistry in a relationship is something that is hard to describe, it’s a feeling we all know and look for in a romantic partner.
Importance of Chemistry
Chemistry isn’t something you can make or falsify, it’s either there or it’s not. This is why there’s so much of a focus on whether it’s there or not. Some people have chemistry, and some do not. Notmatter how much you want to click with someone, it’s not something you can ‘make’ happen yourself. Everyone has gone on a first date, hoping and wishing that there’s a spark between you and the other person. If there is, there’s a sense of relief knowing that there is romantic chemistry. If there isn’t, it’s usually time to move onto the next person.
Romantic chemistry is important because it can make a relationship last longer, or a lack of it could lead to it ending prematurely. Without that spark, a lot of people head elsewhere in search of it. Though there might not be anything specifically wrong in the relationship, without a spark a relationship can become somewhat standard or boring. There is nothing to show you that this person could be The One.
Though someone may tick every box on paper, that’s not to say that they will be the person you have the most chemistry with. They may appear to be the ideal partner if someone was to describe them to you, but without chemistry the relationship is unlikely to excite you and last. This is why chemistry is extremely important in a romantic relationship. It goes beyond a person simply ticking the boxes.
Can You Explain What Romantic Chemistry Feels Like?
There is no denying that every relationship is different. If you have been in multiple relationships, you are sure to know that each one was unique and nuanced. This is because no two people are alike and so, coming together, a ‘one of a kind’ relationship is created every time. This means that every experienced romantic chemistry in a slightly different way. You might describe chemistry in one way, but your partner might view it completely differently.
Most people would describe chemistry as ‘clicking’ with another person; as meeting, instantly connecting and enjoying one another’s company. It’s the feeling of being excited and comfortable around someone else, with no awkward silences and few disagreements.
Some of us experience chemistry as wanting to spend all of our time with another person, whereas others experience chemistry as a feeling of security and being safe. Some people experience chemistry as flirting and butterflies, whereas others experience the ease of being with another like minded person. Chemistry can be passionate and intimate, or it can be reliable and trustworthy. It really depends on the two people and the individualism of the relationship. This is what makes chemistry so special, that it’s not the same for everyone.
Does Love and Chemistry Change Over Time?
Chemistry in a relationship is not a ‘one size fits all’ kind of thing and it’s not fixed. In fact, chemistry can be fluid and constantly changing. As a relationship evolves and develops, chemistry can deepen and show itself in new ways. In the early days of a relationship, a lot of chemistry is based around sexual attraction. As time goes on, it tends to lean towards the more emotional and intellectual side of things. However, it remains to be a natural feeling that cannot be manufactured. It can’t be forced, regardless of how long you have been together, which is why people put so much weight on it.
Do Relationships Without Chemistry Ever Last?
In the quest to find love and a long lasting relationship, a lot of people debate whether a relationship can last without chemistry. A lack of chemistry will not immediately put an end to a relationship; it’s not a case of a relationship not being able to work without chemistry, but it could lead to a relationship feeling as though it’s lacking in some way. It can make building a strong relationship more difficult, and it can make you more prone to disagreements and awkwardness. A lot of people find themselves overlooking other ‘deal breakers’ if the chemistry is palpable.
Of course, chemistry is not the ‘be all and end all’ of a relationship and there are a lot of other things to think about. For example, you might be looking for trust, loyalty, fun and security. Other people place a big emphasis on the need for honesty, humour and a good work ethic. Finding someone who ticks these boxes is a sign that a relationship is worth pursuing. Everyone has a slightly different list of things they want from a partner, and they are all extremely important. However, chemistry is something that spans throughout and across all of these things.
There Are Different Types of Chemistry in a Relationship
A lot of people make the mistake of assuming that chemistry is only relevant to romantic relationships, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Though it’s arguably the most important where love and romance is concerned, chemistry is an important part of any bond between two people. Chemistry is important in friendships, platonic relationships, working relationships and even relationships that purely sexual.
Without chemistry, an acquaintance is unlikely to graduate into best friend territory. Without chemistry, a work colleague is unlikely to become someone you socialise with outside of office hours. Without chemistry, a sibling remains as a family member, rather than also being a close friend. Though chemistry is most often spoken about in relation to love and romance. It certainly plays a part in shaping all of our relationships throughout life.
What Happens if Chemistry Starts to Dwindle?
For those who have been together for a long time there are likely to be times. When it feels as though the chemistry is dwindling, that the spark has gone out. This is to be expected, especially when the stresses of work and parenthood are thrown at a couple. Just because chemistry is there to begin with and is completely natural. It doesn’t mean it will last forever without some help from you. Luckily, chemistry is something that can be worked on. With a bit of time and effort, there is nothing stopping you from keeping the fires burning.
Ask any couples’ therapist or relationship expert and they will tell you the same thing. That relationships take work and you need to nurture the spark. This can be done in a number of ways such as spending quality time together. Arranging date nights, trying something new and practising open communication. A lot of the time chemistry feels as though it’s fading when people start to take their partner for granted. Or when the couples fail to spend quality time together. Even the most impressive of romantic connections takes perseverance.