The Confidence Game
Confidence is the ability to trust yourself and convey that sense to others, and appearance is half the battle. To appear confident try the following:
- Stand up straight
- Smile
- Make eye contact
- Lean slightly forward
- Shake hands firmly
You’re Ready to Date if:
- You have a reasonably good working relationship with your parents (a ceasefire works too)
- You have a fair group of honest friends
- You’ve got a stable place to live an a way to make a living
- You know how to make yourself reasonably happy
- You want to add some fun, excitement, uncertainty and aggravation in your life.
The Best Places to Meet People are Ones Where:
- You can see clearly, hear clearly, and respond honestly.
- You have an interest in what’s going on, increasing the likelihood you’ll have something in common with anyone you meet there.
- The atmosphere feels safe and familiar.
Where to Meet People
1. The Classroom
High schools, colleges, and adult education classes are all dating mills.
2. Parties
Meeting someone at a party offers one of the same advantages that meeting someone in your neighbourhood offers: you both know somebody in common.
3. Movies
The line into the movie (especially if it’s a long one) is not a bad place to get to know somebody.
4. Dances
Dancing is great, and so is joining a dance class (such as salsa) because the instructor tells you what to do, and you’re always changing partners.
5. Grocery Stores
Buying food in the local market has that comfort/familiarity/nurturing. It’s usually a non-threatening environment, you’ve probably been there before, and if no one is datable happens to meander in front of your grocery cart or pause invitingly in the production section, you can always pick up your milk and veggies.
6. Bus Stops
Waiting at the same place at the same time every day creates a sense of community. You see each other every day and even start sitting together before initiating a conversation. The trick here is to tread slowly (pun intended).
7. Bookstores
Some big chains have actually put in big, comfy chairs and snack bars. Spending time in one of these bookstores is sort of like hanging out at the library except that you’re allowed to talk, eat and compare books.
8. Restaurants
Asking to join someone alone is a bit iffy. But, if the person says yes, it saves you from eating alone. However, if they say no, you might lose your appetite…
9. Volunteer Activities
Being the most selfless is hard to resist, and having something in common with another charitable soul gives you a lot to talk about. Just make sure that you like the activity itself.
After all, you don’t want to end up licking envelopes to save sperm whales because you heard fishermen have great poles.
10. Political Campaigns
Political campaigns offer a nearly perfect environment because there’s a common goal, it doesn’t go on forever, and the atmosphere is exciting and intense.
11. Sport Teams
Even if you’re unsporty, find a sport to play. It’s safe, fun, has several health benefits and there are almost always some get-togethers – especially if you win.
12. Sporting Events
Most people are really relaxed when they watch sports unless it’s the playoffs – and they are quite willing to explain what’s going on or to argue about who’s best. So asking the cute person next to you, “What’s the score?” is likely to get you a smile rather than a slap.
13. Health Clubs
You’re among like-minded people doing essentially the same thing as you: focusing on their health. You probably see the same group of people all the time and are, therefore, familiar with them. Keep in mind, though, everybody is in stretchy material and therefore, often a bit shy.
Where NOT to Meet People
1. The Office
Dating a co-worker isn’t wise since everybody will know about it and one of you is very likely to get fired. Work is about competence and anything that interferes with that is poison.
It may be tempting to date friends, siblings, or exes (even of people you work with), but it’s still not very safe.
So don’t unless you plan to change jobs – voluntarily.
2. Bars
It’s dark, almost everyone is injecting substances that alter perception. Do you really need a relationship based on blurred sensibilities? Plus, bars are too noisy to talk in, and you can’t see what the person looks like. If nothing else, how do you answer “Come here often?”
3. Online
Oline is about fantasy, it’s the illusion of intimacy while still being at an arm’s length. When you do meet face to face, there is all that expectation.
It’s okay to chat, but online is the ultimate long-distance relationship. You’ll think you know much more than you really know, and that’s really tricky.
4. Singles Weekends
These weekends mean too much stress and too high expectations. You’re better off spending the same money and taking a cruise. At least, that way you can feel your money is well spent even if you don’t end up falling in love!
Expectations Worksheet
Start by listing all the qualities your ideal date absolutely, positively must have.
My date must be:
- Honest
- Funny
- Responsible
- Caring
Now, list all the qualities your ideal date absolutely, positively must not have.
My date must NOT be:
- Self-centred
- Lazy
- Mannerless
- Dependent
Once you finish both the lists, you’ll be through predate warmups and should move on to part two: setting up the date.
