We’ve all heard of the proverbial sexual “dry spell” in a relationship where a couple might have gone a noticeable time without having sex. For some, the drought might be felt after just a few days, but for others it can go on for weeks and months. Some try to spice things up with role playing, using premium sex toys, and more.
But how can you tell the difference between a simple dry spell and a relationship where the sexual spark has simply disappeared?
Sign 1: It’s Always the Same Party Initiating Sex
The first warning sign is when one of the couple has stopped being an initiator for sex. When the task seems to fall to just one of the two people, then it’s a sign that while one still has sex on their minds, the other has not and there might be troubling reasons for that. If at the start of the relationship both were initiators, but now they are down to one, then how long until that person also feels undesired and decides not to bother initiating sex anymore?
Sign 2: Nobody’s Talking About it
Early on in your relationship, it’s likely that the two of you talked about little else but sex and sexual things. It was a huge part of what made things hot, heavy and exciting so early on. Over time, perhaps you’ve just become more comfortable and familiar, and so the sexual spice is less and less a topic for conversation. This might be a bad sign, in fact, because while it could just be a matter of comfort and familiarity, another possibility is that one or both of you are still thinking a lot about the subject, but no longer communicating about sex.
Stopping conversations about sex means neither partner knows what the other really wants in that arena. How can one satisfy the other when no one is willing to express what they want? The problem of talking isn’t just one for before sex, but afterwards, too. Couples who have sex, but are then silent afterwards or just separate into their own activities — checking smartphones, for example — are showing signs of distance and a lack of real intimacy.
Sign 3: The Sex is Predictable
Has your sex life descended into a sad realm of routine? When sex is beginning, do you know what’s coming every time? Do you already know the positions? The sequence? The timing? The foreplay? What will be said or uttered before, during, or after? If your sex has become predictable, then your relationship is losing that creative bedroom spark, for sure.
Sign 4: There’s Sexual Resentment Between You
Let’s say that one partner in the relationship is trying to generate solutions to a lack of sex in a relatinoship, but the other just feels resentful or irritated by the whole subject. This is definitely a bad sign. Resentment existing between two people in a relationship is bad in many kinds of ways, but when it’s in the sexual arena, it is perhaps more obvious and felt more keenly.
Imagine a couple where one partner tries to initiate sex, but the other says they are feeling unwell or too tired. The initiator might show resentment by blaming the lack of sex on the other partner. They may accuse them of never wanting sex, or making excuses, or no longer being attracted to their partner. The real issues are likely something else, but when sex becomes full of resentment and accusation, it’s clearly not a good thing.
Watch out for the signs and communicate to your partner about sexual issues. The sooner you start talking, the more likely you are to find solutions that work for both of you.