Moving in together for the first time? That’s great! After being in a relationship for a while, it is usually a good idea to move in with your partner.
That way you will have a better idea on what they really are like and if the relationship has the potential to grow into a lifelong one.
But, before you start sharing an apartment, there are a couple of things that you need to be aware of.
Things that can potentially ruin your relationship if left unattended. So, we better go over them properly and in necessary detail.
What to discuss before moving in together for the first time?
People seem to forget that living together before marriage is a relatively new concept.
Through most of our history people have been living separately until they got engaged.
Therefore, figuring out whether your partner is suited for marriage was a bit hard, since you had never lived with them before.
This is one of the reasons why there were so many fixed marriages and why families played a big role in choosing a partner.
In fact, they still do in some cultures, like Indian.
Keep that in mind if you date an Indian woman.
Having an honest conversation with a family member can save you from a lot of heartache and trouble.
Being in love can make a person blind for all the faults that their partner might have.
Faults that can ruin their relationship in the long run.
An unbiased member of the family is usually much better suited to determine whether or not a partner is good for you.
But, since those times are long gone, you need to be able to determine if your partner is marriage material all by yourself.
Going from dating to joining your lives together is a big step, which is why you need to think carefully. And the best way to do so is by living together.
Now, in order not to kill each other in the first month, you will probably need to lay down some ground rules and make room for mistakes. Here’s how:
1. Ground rules
Unless you two are perfect for each other and completely compatible in every way possible, you will need to lay down some ground rules.
These rules are here not to make your relationship less magical, but to help you avoid needless arguments and quarrels.
So, who washes the dishes and when? Who vacuums and how often? Do you want your relationship to be fifty-fifty, or do you have another disposition in mind?
All of those things need to be discussed before moving in together for the first time.
Only then will your relationship have a chance to survive.
2. Talk about your future life
When discussing ground rules, you will probably stray into this naturally.
But, let us give you a couple of important points to remember so that you can better discuss your future life not only as partners but also roommates:
a. Talk about your habits
Whether you like it or not, your habits are going to show.
You may have been able to hide them so far, but living together with someone has this funny way of discarding masks.
Whatever habits you have, be they good or bad, your partner is going to notice.
So, it is much better that you discuss them now instead of wondering after a couple of months of living together “Who is this person?”.
b. How will you argue
Studies have shown that the couples that stay together the longest are the ones that have the easiest time coming to terms after a fight.
Mind you, this is different from never fighting. If you live with someone you are in a relationship with, you are going to fight.
There are some of you that might think “Oh, no! My bae and I never fight! We are perfect for each other!”
That relationship is either new and you don’t know what you are talking about, or one of you has their tail between their legs constantly, which comes with a whole set of different problems. Learn how to argue and make up.
c. How to envision your future life
Living together with someone may seem straightforward, but it actually isn’t.
Your partner and you may have completely different visions of what living together is.
While one of you may consider it as simply sharing an apartment, the other one may want to spend a lot of time together.
Things such as these need to be discussed beforehand.
Finding out about them after moving in is going to put a lot of strain on your relationship, which may cause it to break.
3. Handling finances
But, there is one thing that living together always entails, and that is sharing finances.
Unless one of you is going to be the breadwinner, you are going to have to figure out how to combine your finances in order to live together.
The rent, the bills, everyday expenses… all of those need to be paid, and it is up to the two of you to figure out how.
You will also need to prepare your moving budget in advance in order to deal with your relocation properly.